Subliminal_Shift

Tokyo – It’s been almost two weeks now since I left for a year-long exchange student scholarship here in Japan at the International Christian University (ICU). Adjusting to a new lifestyle in this liberal, technologically-advanced country will take a long while (I’m definitely way out of my comfort zone). Here, because life is so comfortable, the Japanese people in general don’t see any need for God. The same is true in ICU—faith is dead here. Mere morals and empty tradition has siphoned away all that is meant to be Christ-centered in this university.

Being away from home, from genuine Christian fellowship and accountability really does put your character to the test. I’ll be honest. There are a lot of times when I feel lonely. There are times when I’m tempted to compromise and do lamentable things. There are times when I feel so overwhelmed with immense nostalgia, anxiety and worry. As I grapple to find my place in this foreign land, one thing has become all the more clear to me: It is by God’s grace that I find rest and by His grace that I am kept alive.

How easy it is for me to forget about God when there is no one to spur me on. But God is faithful. For some reason, despite my stubbornness, there still is that deep hunger within me for Him. Not that I respond out of obligation, but that there is a desire deep within that is kept burning–one that passionately seeks to pursue His heart out of love. I didn’t toil to feel this way. I fall short every time and I don’t deserve it, but it is as if He placed that longing in me to sustain me here. To be frank, there are times when I feel like I hate God; that He has abandoned me. I cry out as if to say: “God, I hate you. I can’t love you with my all because I simply can’t. But I don’t want to stay this way. Enable me to love you, genuinely.” This may offend most people, but I believe that He desires truth from the inward most part our hearts, that in Christ and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3:12).

It takes God to love God. We have to realize that we will soon reach a cul-de-sac. We can’t fool ourselves and claim to love Him on our own merit because our fallen nature is hostile to Him (Rom. 7:18). Unless we receive the Holy Spirit, through faith in Christ Jesus, then we shortchange ourselves from receiving deliverance through His grace. I’m not quite there yet and I know that I’m never going to reach the fullness of it in this life. But I know this: …that He who began a good work in all of us who have Christ will carry it on to completion
until the day of His return (Phil. 1:6).

A lot of us will still choose to harden our hearts, and even go as far as mocking God. That’s a costly choice. A lot of us who claim to be in the faith are unaware of just how dead and dry we are. How God desires to wake you from your slumber and breathe life back into you as what is said in Eph. 5:14, “Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Do you not know that He is THE lover of our soul who is after our heart and that He desires for us to respond in pursuing intimacy with Him because He is a jealous God who does not want us to settle for any lesser pleasure?

We are far too easily pleased by whatever comes our way and we fill our appetite with things that would leave us only more hurt. These longings deep within that crave for meaning and significance are there not to be ashamed of, but to be filled only by Him in pursuing a deeper intimacy in divine romance.

In Luke 10:41, Jesus said that only one thing is needed. He honors the heart that desires to sit at His feet and listen to His heartbeat rather than the heart that is distracted by doing many things left and right, even if it is done in the name of God. Intimacy must come first. Find your joy and treasure in God. He is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

(As Published in the Weekly Sillimanian, p2. Subliminal Shift, September 17 (WED), 2008)